Fear and trepidation!.

a musical post

Ok. Most performers have some sort of fear and trepidation when they get close to performance dates, however, I am definitely calloused by years of performance.  I play every week for church, lately for two churches.  I'm used to recovering from hitches, and often under-prepared.  I accompany at house concerts, and orchestra concerts (just since the beginning of May) without a bat of the eye.

However, to stretch myself with an hour of music, to be performed before a totally new audience... Solos, and accompaniments with my hubby, the trumpet player...Well, it's time for a beta-blocker!  

I'm not ashamed to admit that a little pill is a comfort, whether it really keeps me from shaking or not. I know that the hour(s) just before I seat myself and begin to play are the hardest with which to cope. My mind runs wild, I'm full of insecurities, doubts, and my heart races, my lower digestive tract can act up unpleasantly, and... That little pill makes much of that go away.

What? Should I swig a few beers?  Witnessed that...not for me.

Before the pill, and before regular weekly performances, my legs would shake so I couldn't keep them on the pedals.  That's NEVER good... So, when special events of the challenging type arise, I take a pill within a half hour before, and it all seems to mellow out.

That's how it went down last Sunday.  Not a much publicized concert, and on Mother's Day afternoon, so not a large audience, but they were all happy, and very nice with their comments.

I felt pretty good about it. I had fun, and I was relaxed.  However, something happened that hasn't ever happened to me, and will probably happen again.  A key stuck. Yep, a high screaming A flat continued to sound until it decided to release itself.  It happened twice, and about the time I thought I should do something  about it, it stopped.  Both times the trumpets were playing, and it didn't seem too obvious.  Of course, it caused fear and trepidation for me... And then, it happened while I was playing a solo.  Hubby was sitting next to me, turning pages, and the thought occurred to me, "Why didn't he fix it?"  Later he said he didn't notice, even though I felt compelled to try to smack it back into an "up" position while furiously playing two manuals and pedals.  It didn't work, and just when I entertained the thought that I was going to have to stop playing, apologize, and...well, no plans made after that...it released, and somehow, I avoided that key for the rest of the concert.

My next concert is in two days, on another instrument, and hopefully that will not happen again.  With certainty, something else will arise! Performance=F&T=take a chill pill!